 Posted by Steve on March 21, 2003: Our little story arc continues with this week's strip. I think it's worth noting that this ridiculous little exercise really was the great idea of one of the suits, and that we really were forced to do that. Also worth a note is the fact that no matter how many times I use the word, I can't spell "ridiculous" without running to Dictionary.com to double check my spelling.
With everything that's going on right now, I think I've got a pretty good story to take your mind off things for at least a few minutes. It's a story of how I ended up standing up in the middle of my bedroom at 5 A.M. a few weeks ago. To be more specific, it's a story about me being a big pussy.
I've got a weird thing with spiders. They thoroughly (another word I can't spell) creep me out, and yet I'm drawn to them. If there's one of those nature documentaries about spiders on TV, I'm there. If I'm at the zoo, they're the first thing I check out. (well, probably second, right after the monkeys) So basically I don't want to see them, and yet I have to see them.
So the other night I'm in bed channel surfing (fighting sleep to the very end, as I've always done) and what comes on? Arachnophobia. It's about 3 A.M., all the lights are off, and Arachnophobia is on. There's no way this isn't going to end badly. I mean, this is a movie basically made to creep out people like me. And yet I must watch it.
So I'm watching the movie, and about a half hour in, I get the sensation that something's on my leg. You know how that goes. You see a bug and about 2 seconds later you're sure there's one crawling on your back. So of course I calmly throw the covers off and check my leg for the giant tarantula that's surely sitting there just waiting for my attention. Threre's nothing there of course, and after a quick check of the surrounding area (read: pulling off all the covers and carefully inspect the mattress) I go back to the movie.
But then I start to thing about all the possible entry points where a spider could get to the bed and launch an attack. We've already established under the covers as a safe haven, and an invader could easily climb up from the floor and under the cover at the foot of the bed and be home free. I consider simply tucking the covers into mattress, but then I realize that one could also climb up the side of the mattress and get the same results. Then I look around and realize that the bed is close enough to the wall that a spider could start on the wall, hit the covers transfer, and in no time be right in front of me, staring me down and giving me the finger or something. THEN I realize that these stealh maneuvers (another trip to dictionary) are completely unnecessary since they could simply jump down from the ceiling!
Clearly the bed is just a poor place to defend from a spider army. There's just too many variables. I look over and consider the office chair (lights are on by now) as a possible place to rest, but that won't do either. It's pretty much the same situation as the bed, just without the covers. There's the chance that one could crawl up the back of the chair and onto me, they could climb up the handles and strike at the hand, there's even the chair legs themselves, which are generally way to close to my feet.
No, the only choice is to just stand in the middle of the room. This generally cuts out everything but the ceiling and the floor. So there I was, standing there like the dork I am, watching Arachnophobia, randomly looking up and down for potential spider attacks. I hope that little tale amused you. See you next Friday.
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