Noise Pollution

Posted by Steve on May 13, 2005: New comic here. Just like mom used to make.

I've had more than my fair share of sound wars with other stores over the years. Sometimes it happens during store hours, but more often it happens after the store closes. Figure everyone just worked all day, and they want to cut loose a bit. Fine, I can understand that. Except when I'm trying to count out the day's deposit, do the paperwork/sales figures, etc. And it's made worse by the fact that the offending music is always the same. No one ever cranks up Zeppelin or something cool after close. That I could handle. No, it's always the same lame top 40 shit I have to listen to all day at the store. I can't accurately count money with Avril Lavigne playing at eardrum shattering volumes. Sorry.

So the first time it happened, I figured I'd fight fire with fire. I'd grab some Rage Against the Machine or System of a Down or whatever and blast it through the stores sound system, which was always infintitely more powerful than whatever shitty little portable radio the guys next door where using. It took awhile, but eventually they learned that they were defeated, and the shitty music stopped.

The second time it happened I all but confirmed that, despite being in my mid-twenties, I'm an old man. I wimped out. I wasn't up for another round of spending months fighting with a store over their shitty music. So...I just said fuck it and called security. That's right, I called the authorities to tell the kids to turn down their crazy music. How sad is that?

When I first wrote this script, Bob thought that that should have been how the comic ended, but I figured it was better as a story in a newspost than as the ending to a comic. Plus, every time I shoot down one of Bob's writing ideas, he dies a little on the inside. You just can't put a price tag on that. See you next week.

Posted by Bob on May 13, 2005: So, like I said last week, today's comic is huge. I sent it to Steve in two pieces, and another file where it was just one, but I don't know which he's gonna post. So it's a surprise to all of us. Steve didn't write the speaker bit into the comic, that was my idea. I figured if a cinnamon roll restaurant has a stereo so loud that it annoys the cats in the music store, the music store ought to have a stereo loud enough to shake the clouds out of the sky. 'Cause that's how we roll, motherfuckers.

Oh, and I apologize for the Britney Spears, but it just seemed to make sense to have that be the thing that drives Bob over the edge. But we've got some Motorhead in there, so it evens out, right? You have to love Lemmy of Motorhead; A man who says "I want to be the band that when we move in next door to you, your lawn dies." That's rock and roll.

So, first order of business. Steve told me the other night that at one point, Dustin Hoffman was in talks to play Rambo. And much like Lewis Black's "If it weren't for my horse" routine, the idea of Rain Man as Rambo got stuck in my head. That would be one of the worst movies ever, but man, would I ever love to see it. So, I drew what I thought it would look like. I did the whole thing in like, half an hour, so forgive the small hands, okay?

I came across this page, which is a detailed account of a woman named Elena's trip through the Chernobyl dead zone. It's crazy how almost nothing there has changed in 20 years. Her english is a little broken, but the pictures are just phenomenal. Definately a page worth checking out.

In the category of "cool things in the world to check out that are brought to us by the magic of the internet," here is Weird New Jersey.com. I' have this book called Weird US, made by the same people, but the book is just a spin off of their "Weird NJ" magazine. I was reading that book last night, and I figured there was a website. So I checked it out, and I was up real late reading all the entries. There's some really cool stuff there, but if you spook easily, maybe you should read it in the daytime. There's a book there too called "Weird IL," which, as you would guess, is about Illinois, and I'm pretty interested in that. I'm gonna have to order it one of these days. There's supposedly lots of crazy haunted crap in Illinois, and I'd love to have another book about it.

I know my birthday just passed, (April 15th, in case you didn't know,) but a lot of you didn't get me anything. So, how about this. Since I'm a giving individual, I'd totally be okay if you all pooled your money and got me this. Seriously, that is the coolest thing. I was looking into getting a LCD projector, and that way I could have a big ol' screen for games, but this blows it away. So, everyone, send some money!

Now, this is one main reason I'm glad I don't live in a desert area. That's just insane. I can't imagine how it must feel to see that coming at you.

Isn't driving down a straight road really simple? Yeah, you'd think so. But, as you'd expect with a setup like that, you'd be wrong. Of course. I mean seriously, if you're gonna let someone drive a car like that, don't you at least make sure they know what they're doing first? Jesus. That's like day one stuff.

I haven't worn my contacts lately, mainly because I have just one pair left and I'm kinda saving them for when the Great America trips start up this year. Speaking of which, I need to buy my season pass. It's definately much more fun to ride a ride when you can see what's zooming by you at 65 mph rather than just having everything all blurry. Anyway, when I get new contacts, I should get ones like this. I'd be fierce looking. I need something to counteract my delicateness. At work a couple weeks ago, I was holding a box over my head-Not a huge box, and certainly not a heavy box. It was empty. So, I'm holding this box over my head, looking up. My arms were stretched all the way out, so maybe three feet over my head or so. Of course, I dropped it. Right on my forehead. No big deal, right? Yeah, it busted me open. I was bleeding really badly, and I had a mark there for like a week. I can still feel the spot where it hit. So the point of the story is that I want sunglasses contacts and I'm very delicate and always cutting myself open and bruising myself accidentally. The end.